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[bringingdowndisaster]

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[gentledawn]

"I spent time calming her." Xingchen reassures, hearing the guilt in Xue Yang's voice, "I didn't know she was fibbing." he smiles a little before his expression falls.

He can't exactly argue with Xue Yang, but the desperation to do better is met with a warm hug.

"Xue Yang... A-Yang..." he murmurs soothingly, "You had so much hate and bitterness in your heart. I want to help you find peace."

[bringingdowndisaster]

"I didn't either..." Xue Yang murmurs. He had had his suspicions in the beginning, but her acting had been so good that eventually he had just fully believed that she was blind. She'd tricked him up until the very end. He can admit that he finds it admirable.

He snuggles deeper into Xingchen's arms. "I just want to be with you... always," he murmurs softly.

[gentledawn]

"I don't mind if she's blind or she can see. At least, however, with her sight, she is safer." Xingchen had found it surprising and a little funny when she confessed the truth. So they had all been acting for different reasons.

He hears a door open and close - near the kitchen, he thinks - and he smiles a little. But his attention is drawn back to Xue Yang and he kisses the man's forehead.

"I want you with me always."

[bringingdowndisaster]

"Mmm..." He hears the door too and can only assume that it's A-Qing. Song Lan usually doesn't come into the house unless Xue Yang tells him to.

Those words are reassuring at least, though it's definitely going to take some time to stop being afraid that he's going to lose Xingchen again.

"Should I... talk to her?" he asks hesitantly.

[gentledawn]

"After we eat." Xingchen cautions. Full bellies will make the world seem kinder. He uses his hands to guide himself to Xue Yang's lips, kissing him slowly.

"Mm A-Yang, will you help me cook?" he thinks he can do it, but extra help cutting won't hurt.

[bringingdowndisaster]

"Okay," Xue Yang murmurs before melting into the kiss. It further soothes his anxieties.

"Y-Yeah, of course! You probably shouldn't... I mean, you've got to be stiff still, right?" He frowns. "Let me do it instead."

[gentledawn]

He strokes Xue Yang's cheek, smiling softly at the worry in his voice. It's...nice. Yet he doesn't want him to fuss too much.

"That's why I need your help." he sits up to prove that he can move, "Let's work together, hm? Won't that be nicer?"

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang anxiously watches Xingchen sit up, but of course, he'd been able to walk before so sitting isn't an issue. Xue Yang just can't help but to fuss.

He sits up as well and takes Xingchen's hand. "Okay," he finally agrees.

[gentledawn]

He feels his hand taken and he smiles warmly. Xue Yang is given one more kiss - a little clumsily - before Xingchen moves to the edge of the bed and slowly stands. The first time he had done that, he had been dizzy.

"I bet you're starving." he tugs on Xue Yang's hand and walks to the kitchen.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang smiles a little and kisses Xingchen's hand. Some anxiety returns when he watches Xingchen stand, so he holds on and makes himself ready to support him if needed. Xingchen manages fine on his own though, much to Xue Yang's relief.

"Mm, I guess," he says as he follows into the kitchen. Honestly, he's had very little in the way of an appetite during all of this time.

[gentledawn]

The little kiss fills him with warmth and he continues to hold onto Xue Yang as he makes his way to the kitchen. A-Qing has bolted off again - he figured she would - but there is fresh produce on the counter.

"Ah she did a good job." he murmurs and chuckles, "May I have my hand back, A-Yang?"

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang hesitates for a moment, but he does let go of Xingchen's hand. He makes sure to stay close though.

"Mm, it's all good quality," he says as he asseses the produce A-Qing has brought back.

[gentledawn]

He notices the hesitation and offers, quietly: "You can rest against my back. I may not be warm, but if it helps...?"

Setting out the vegetables, he nods approvingly.

"They will taste good." he fills a pot with water and then adds rice so that it can begin cooking on the stove.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang immediately wraps his arms around Xingchen from behind and nuzzles against his shoulder and neck. Xiao Xingchen is going to have to deal with a very clingy barnacle for a while!

He watches Xingchen cook over his shoulder and hums in agreement. He keeps an eye on things and makes sure that Xingchen doesn't hurt himself in any way.

[gentledawn]

He loves his clingy barnacle! Having Xue Yang with him gives him the strength to cook a nice meal - though he does take his time cutting into the vegetables. He wants to keep all of his fingers.

Once everything is cooking, he turns and embraces Xue Yang to his chest.

"I'll get you candy the next time we go out."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang brightens at that and snuggles into Xingchen's chest. "I kept the last piece of candy you gave me..." he murmurs. He hadn't been able to bear the thought of eating it.

Everything he'd had left of Xiao Xingchen had to be saved. Which reminds him, "I have your sword too... if... if you want it back."

He can imagine it might be awkward for Xingchen considering what Xue Yang had tricked him into doing with it, and the fact that he had then used it to take his own life.

[gentledawn]

His lips find the bridge of Xue Yang's nose and he kisses the soft skin.

"That candy has gone bad. I'll get you fresh pieces." Xingchen smiles until the subject changes. Then he freezes and shakily touches the bandages around his neck.

"...l-later."

Shuanghua is dear to him, but he knows he can't trust his own blade. Still, a sword is a sword and he will use Shuanghua to his best ability.

[bringingdowndisaster]

"Mm," Xue Yang agrees. Now that Xingchen is back, he can throw the candy away.

He feels a stab of guilt seeing that reaction to the mention of Shuanghua. "...I'm sorry," he whispers softly. "I... I cleaned it, and I've kept it polished..." He's taken better care of Shuanghua than Jiangzai.

[gentledawn]

The sound vibrates through him and Xingchen is able to breathe again. He trembles at the mention of Shuanghua and suddenly his heart-beat and his breathing are much too loud. Focusing on Xue Yang's voice brings him back to the kitchen, back to his lover's arms, but his legs are definitely weak.

"I n-need to sit." he leans against Xue Yang, frowning, "I know you've... You've helped keep me here."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang's frown deepens and he wraps an arm around Xingchen in a reassuring hold as he leads him towards one of the chairs and helps him sit down. He then kneels down by him, resting his upper body on his lap to remain close.

"I'm here," he murmurs gently, "I'll always be here..."

[gentledawn]

Xingchen sighs when he is seated, his fatigue catching up with him. It has been a long year of being cold and still. But he smiles nonetheless at the warm body laying across his lap. His fingers toy with Xue Yang's hair and trace over his ear.

"You can make sure our food doesn't burn." he tries for some levity, "I'm just tired, love. I need to build up my stamina again."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang turns his head and gently kisses Xingchen's wrist. "I know. I will help you... anything you need." He just has a very hard time bringing himself to not be in constant physical contact with Xingchen. Some part of him can't help but to worry that he'll somehow disappear if he can't touch him. Or like he's going to wake up and find that it's just been a dream.

[gentledawn]

He bends down and embraces Xue Yang to him, smiling against his hair. Finally, he can offer comfort like this. He isn't...formless...

"You need to take it easy too." he kisses the side of Xue Yang's head, "Are you afraid, love? I promise I am fully in control of my body. Though I remember being just a spirit. It's strange."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang holds on tightly to Xingchen, feeling further reassured by his embrace being returned. "...Mm, I just... I guess I worry. That you're going to... go away again." He can't bring himself to say the word "die".

[gentledawn]

Xingchen feels the desperation and he nuzzles any part of Xue Yang he can easily reach, stroking over the man's hair.

"I'm choosing to be here. And you know I'm not easy to defeat even in battle."