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[bringingdowndisaster]

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[gentledawn]

The tighter hold goes straight to his heart and he rubs Xue Yang's arms.

"Do you want to see?" he asks hesitantly, forcing himself to stay relaxed.

[bringingdowndisaster]

"Yes." He should see the damage he had caused. He may not have been the one slicing Xingchen's throat open, but through his actions he may as well have been the one holding the sword.

[gentledawn]

He doesn't see it that way. Xingchen solely blames himself for his wound. He never wants to be in such a dark place again.

Unwinding the bandage, he sets it to the side, revealing the long gash on his neck. The scarring is thick and red.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Meanwhile, Xue Yang only blames himself for pushing Xingchen into such a dark place.

He frowns as the scar is revealed to him. It really should've healed better by now... "We should put some ointment on it," he says in a soft voice, "Something that will speed up healing."

[gentledawn]

Shuanghua is a special blade. It can sever spirits as well as bodies. Xingchen won't emphasize what that means, but it really is a wonder that he is...whole...at all.

"I have some. I will use it." he smiles faintly and dabs at the scar with a wet cloth.

[bringingdowndisaster]

"I'll help you," Xue Yang murmurs against Xingchen's shoulder, giving the skin there a tender kiss.

[gentledawn]

The kiss makes his smile grow and he turns his head, nuzzling his nose against Xue Yang's cheek.

"You do help me."

[bringingdowndisaster]

"I want to help you more," he murmurs, pressing a kiss to Xingchen's cheek. It's the least he can do after everything...

[gentledawn]

"Then take care of yourself." Xingchen brushes their lips together shyly, "I am happiest when you are feeling your best."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang nuzzles their noses together and kisses him back. "Mm, alright. For you."

[gentledawn]

"For me." Xingchen repeats giddily, chuckling, "I love you, my A-Yang. You are dear to me. When you smile and feel your best, my heart is light."

[bringingdowndisaster]

"I love you too." Xue Yang lets out a soft, relieved sigh, nuzzling into his lover. "I love you so much..." Xiao Xingchen is so much better than he deserves, but he's never letting go of him. He wishes they could stay cuddled up like this in the bath forever...

[gentledawn]

Xingchen scrubs over Xue Yang's body, helping him get clean and warm. Then he snuggles him and breathes kisses against his temples.

"I'm not letting you go." he promises, "Does that suit you?"

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang lets out a shuddering breath. "Yes..." he murmurs, relief flooding his body.

[gentledawn]

"Were you afraid, love?" Xingchen rubs over Xue Yang's chest, "Because of me?"

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang lets out a soft, non-committal sound. "... Because of Song Lan," he finally murmurs.

[gentledawn]

Xingchen softens and presses their lips together gently. He pulls back and cups his Xue Yang's face between his hands.

"Sweetheart, can't you see that he is no threat to you? Not in my heart."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang pouts a little, but he leans into Xingchen's hands. "You kissed him..." he murmurs.

[gentledawn]

Xingchen brushes his thumb over those pouting lips.

"I love him, but that love is separate from my love for you. He has no say in this. In us."

[bringingdowndisaster]

That placates Xue Yang a little. He nuzzles into Xingchen, still pouting though. "I don't like sharing..." Though he'd be willing to try if there is no other choice.

[gentledawn]

"I know it isn't ideal. You deserve better." Xingchen's voice breaks and he kisses Xue Yang's pout, "But I promise to never neglect you. If you are feeling unloved, please tell me."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang lets out a soft sigh, suddenly feeling guilty. "I don't... I don't really deserve you," he murmurs, sinking deeper into the tub. His eyes are immediately drawn back to that horrid scar on Xingchen's neck. "I hurt you so much..."

[gentledawn]

"Stop that." Xingchen whispers hoarsely, his lips in a thin line, "What you did... You've learned. You regret it. You're doing everything in your power to make it better. I'm alive and we'll find a way to help Zichen. I don't want to spend the rest of my life angry or vengeful." his shoulders sag, "I love you. I died because I love you and I came back because I love you."

[bringingdowndisaster]

That does calm Xue Yang down a little, and it lessens some of the guilt. "I love you too," he whispers, "I love you so much. I'll never stop being sorry that I hurt you, but I... I trust that you want to move on."

He nuzzles into Xingchen's chest, chewing his lip thoughtfully. "...I'll look into ways to help Song Lan speak again." Unfortunately, that's likely to be much easier than getting Xiao Xingchen his eyesight back.

[gentledawn]

"I do want to move on." Xingchen insists, stroking his fingers through Xue Yang's hair and down his back, "Thank you. It will be easier to understand where he stands in all of this if he can speak." and Zichen will be less miserable that way.

"I promise we will work this out."