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[bringingdowndisaster]

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[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang brightens at that and snuggles into Xingchen's chest. "I kept the last piece of candy you gave me..." he murmurs. He hadn't been able to bear the thought of eating it.

Everything he'd had left of Xiao Xingchen had to be saved. Which reminds him, "I have your sword too... if... if you want it back."

He can imagine it might be awkward for Xingchen considering what Xue Yang had tricked him into doing with it, and the fact that he had then used it to take his own life.

[gentledawn]

His lips find the bridge of Xue Yang's nose and he kisses the soft skin.

"That candy has gone bad. I'll get you fresh pieces." Xingchen smiles until the subject changes. Then he freezes and shakily touches the bandages around his neck.

"...l-later."

Shuanghua is dear to him, but he knows he can't trust his own blade. Still, a sword is a sword and he will use Shuanghua to his best ability.

[bringingdowndisaster]

"Mm," Xue Yang agrees. Now that Xingchen is back, he can throw the candy away.

He feels a stab of guilt seeing that reaction to the mention of Shuanghua. "...I'm sorry," he whispers softly. "I... I cleaned it, and I've kept it polished..." He's taken better care of Shuanghua than Jiangzai.

[gentledawn]

The sound vibrates through him and Xingchen is able to breathe again. He trembles at the mention of Shuanghua and suddenly his heart-beat and his breathing are much too loud. Focusing on Xue Yang's voice brings him back to the kitchen, back to his lover's arms, but his legs are definitely weak.

"I n-need to sit." he leans against Xue Yang, frowning, "I know you've... You've helped keep me here."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang's frown deepens and he wraps an arm around Xingchen in a reassuring hold as he leads him towards one of the chairs and helps him sit down. He then kneels down by him, resting his upper body on his lap to remain close.

"I'm here," he murmurs gently, "I'll always be here..."

[gentledawn]

Xingchen sighs when he is seated, his fatigue catching up with him. It has been a long year of being cold and still. But he smiles nonetheless at the warm body laying across his lap. His fingers toy with Xue Yang's hair and trace over his ear.

"You can make sure our food doesn't burn." he tries for some levity, "I'm just tired, love. I need to build up my stamina again."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang turns his head and gently kisses Xingchen's wrist. "I know. I will help you... anything you need." He just has a very hard time bringing himself to not be in constant physical contact with Xingchen. Some part of him can't help but to worry that he'll somehow disappear if he can't touch him. Or like he's going to wake up and find that it's just been a dream.

[gentledawn]

He bends down and embraces Xue Yang to him, smiling against his hair. Finally, he can offer comfort like this. He isn't...formless...

"You need to take it easy too." he kisses the side of Xue Yang's head, "Are you afraid, love? I promise I am fully in control of my body. Though I remember being just a spirit. It's strange."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang holds on tightly to Xingchen, feeling further reassured by his embrace being returned. "...Mm, I just... I guess I worry. That you're going to... go away again." He can't bring himself to say the word "die".

[gentledawn]

Xingchen feels the desperation and he nuzzles any part of Xue Yang he can easily reach, stroking over the man's hair.

"I'm choosing to be here. And you know I'm not easy to defeat even in battle."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang nuzzles into Xingchen's lap and against his stomach. "I know..." Had they actually fought with their swords back then, Xue Yang certainly would have lost.

[gentledawn]

His features soften and he smiles a little more. Xue Yang is so...soft. He has to protect him. His body, his mind and his heart.

"Your suffering is over. We're leaving it in the past today."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Grief has definitely softened a lot of those sharp edges. Finding out what it's like to be without Xiao Xingchen... how awful, how lonely... it's made him very determined to be the best version of himself that he can possibly be so that Xingchen will never ever leave him again.

He sniffles a little and clings a little closer. "I love you," he whispers.

[gentledawn]

When Xue Yang tries to be his best self, Xingchen finds him irresistible. The sniffling has him kissing Xue Yang's forehead, lingering so the other man knows he isn't alone. Never again.

He smiles at the whispered words, his heart skipping a beat.

"And I love you. That's why I'm going to take care of you."

[bringingdowndisaster]

It's definitely going to take some time for Xue Yang to stop worrying - if he ever fully will. He's still not entirely certain that he's not dreaming.

"I'm gonna take care of you too," Xue Yang murmurs, turning his head to nuzzle against Xingchen's hand and arm.

[gentledawn]

"Mm..." Xingchen kisses over Xue Yang's face slowly, "Can you take the pot off of the fire, love? I don't want our dinner to burn and you definitely need to eat." he smiles a little, "By taking care of yourself, you are taking care of me too."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang hesitates, but of course, Xingchen is right. He reluctantly separates himself from the other man and takes the pot off the fire as requested, all the while he keeps stealing glances at Xingchen.

He grabs three bowls and pours the stew into them before bringing them to the table. "Maybe you... you have to find A-Qing," he murmurs. He doubts that she'll want to eat with him present, but he doesn't want her to go hungry.

[gentledawn]

Xingchen keeps his senses attuned to Xue Yang, smiling softly as the man does as he asked him to do. Rising from the seat, he takes a bowl and bends down to kiss Xue Yang's cheek. The thoughtfulness is noticed.

"I'll bring this to her." he smiles a little more, "Sit down and eat, love. I won't be long."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang frowns, very reluctant to let Xingchen go, but he knows that A-Qing would probably run at the sight of him, so it's for the best to let Xingchen go to her on his own.

He's tense the whole time Xingchen is away for though, and when he comes back he'll find that Xue Yang hasn't even touched his food.

[gentledawn]

Xingchen hurries, sensing that Xue Yang won't eat until he returns. So stubborn! He finds A-Qing and makes sure she has her stew and something to drink. Then he wraps a blanket around her shoulders and promises to visit her before bedtime.

Then he returns to Xue Yang, reaching out to stroke the man's hair.

"Eat."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang taps his foot and leg anxiously as he waits for Xingchen to return. When he hears his footsteps again he relaxes and lets out a sigh of relief.

He leans into the touch, soaking up all the affection. "Mm..." he agrees as he starts to dig in.

[gentledawn]

The little sigh goes straight to his heart. He bends down and embraces Xue Yang, kissing his cheek.

"I'm here." he sits at the table too and begins to eat. Slowly. His stomach has to remember how to accept food.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang's cheeks warm a little and he easily leans into the embrace.

He watches Xingchen as he eats, almost forgetting to eat himself, but eventually he starts to as well. "How is it?" he asks.

[gentledawn]

Xingchen hears Xue Yang eating and smiles to himself. That just makes him want to try harder with his meal. While the food is good, it's like his body forgot how to be hungry.

"It's good. I'm just... I don't know. I should be ravenous. Maybe that will come in time."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang chews his bottom lip thoughtfully. "When I realized your soul was shattered, I tried to repair it, but... I think that could only happen if you wanted to return to your body." He reaches out over the table and takes Xingchen's hand gently in his. "Your body... it's been dead for over a year, but you're not. I think it'll... it'll be some time before your body catches up, you know? And remembers it's supposed to be alive."