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[bringingdowndisaster]

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[zichen]

"I know it feels that way." Zichen carefully brushes a hand against Xue Yang's neck, "But sometimes... They don't. They stay because you need them."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Tears start running down Xue Yang's cheeks again, body trembling.

"I'll never... n-never see him again," Xue Yang sobs. It hurts so much.

At least after Xiao Xingchen's death back home, Xue Yang had managed to delude himself into thinking that he could bring him back and make everything right, but he can't do that now.

Xiao Xingchen hates him and he'll never see him again. No, he'll live another life somewhere unreachable to Xue Yang.

[zichen]

Upon seeing the tears, it's enough for Zichen to gather Xue Yang into his arms, into his lap, embracing him. He shudders and lets his own tears fall. Something in his heart - in their hearts - will never be the same.

"That's true."

They can't delude themselves. They can't live on the brink of euphoria and pain. They have to do better. They have to move beyond it.

"You're freezing and you're exhausted. Let me take care of you."

[bringingdowndisaster]

It's so easy to melt into that embrace, to let himself be held and comforted. He nuzzles into Song Lan's shoulder and just hides against him.

"Okay..." he mumbles into the other man's shoulder. His body feels so heavy that he's not sure he could move without his help anyway.

[zichen]

Zichen smiles shakily at the agreement and kisses Xue Yang's temple. Then he lifts the other man into his arms and carries him not to his cabin, but to a nice hot bath.

"Just relax." he murmurs and undresses Xue Yang, filling a tub with steaming water.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang is a heavy weight in Song Lan's arms, letting the other man carry him to the bath without protest.

He clings a little when he's set down, but ultimately he just lets Song Lan undress him without a fuss. A bath would be nice, after all...

[zichen]

Zichen sets the clothes aside and then undresses himself. Once nude, he lifts Xue Yang again and climbs into the tub with him.

"Is it too hot?" he asks softly, snuggling the other man in his lap.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang lets out a soft sigh when he's lowered into the hot water. He rests his head on Song Lan's shoulder and wraps his arms around his middle.

"No," he murmurs, "It's good."

[zichen]

Zichen leans back and offers himself as a nice place to rest. Then he kisses Xue Yang's forehead, lingering there as if to remind himself that he too isn't alone.

"You scared me. I saw the cabin and I thought you had been attacked."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang actually feels a little bad hearing that.

"Sorry..." he murmurs as he snuggles closer.

He'd just been upset, and unfortunately he has a tendency towards the destructive when that happens.

[zichen]

"Don't be." Zichen tucks their heads together, smiling faintly, "You're safe and I found you."

No door could stand in his way. No wall could either for that matter.

"Everything can be repaired or replaced except for you."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Oh. Despite everything else, Xue Yang does feel a warm sensation that isn't because of the bath starting to spread within. He's never been told he's important like that before.

"You could probably find someone else here who's annoying and wrecks your cabin," he says, trying to sound light-hearted, but that's not really working with the mood he's in.

[zichen]

"I don't want them." Zichen answers softly, his voice a little stern, "I want Xue Yang. I can weather all of his moods - just as he can weather mine." he rubs over his lover's chest and kisses his shoulder.

[bringingdowndisaster]

The reassuring is just what he needs even if he still struggles to understand why Song Lan would want him. He doesn't dare fully trusting it, but Song Lan has so far consistently been there for him when he's needed him, and that means more than Xue Yang can put into words.

"Mm... I guess we can fight about it if we really piss each other off," he murmurs, but his tone is a little lighter this time. Almost fond.

[zichen]

"We can." Zichen agrees, his tone almost tender as he brushes a kiss against Xue Yang's ear, "We probably will fight eventually. But that won't ruin anything. If you need me, I will find you." and do all he can to make the Barge a kinder, more forgiving space.

Living under the weight of loss and guilt is no way to live.

[bringingdowndisaster]

"Mm... I wouldn't mind sparring with you sometime," he murmurs. Song Lan is a much better swordsman, so Xue Yang figures he could learn a thing or two from him. He'd just have to ask Zack to ask the Admiral to make it so that his sword can be used for that...

[zichen]

"Come to my class and stay after." Zichen smiles and lifts Xue Yang's broken hand, kissing his knuckles, "We can try techniques that won't strain your hands as much. Jiangzai can be a handful."

Much like their owner.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang blushes a little when his broken hand is kissed and with some hesitation he removes the glove he always wears on it. He's still sensitive about that hand, but Song Lan has at least heard the important part of the story of how he lost his finger.

He quickly lets the hand down into the water so it too can soak in the warmth. It always makes those stiff fingers feel better.

"I didn't know you had a class," he says to take the attention off of himself. And because he is curious.

[zichen]

Zichen hums his approval, nuzzling his lips against Xue Yang's neck as that poor hand soaks in the water. Letting those fingers get cold must ache horribly. He carefully, slowly, slides his hand down Xue Yang's arm and lays his fingers over the broken fingers. Healing energy will soon pass between them, warm and soothing.

"Mm I do. I teach sword defense and basic healing."

[bringingdowndisaster]

That just intensifies Xue Yang's blush. The ache in his fingers disappears entirely thanks to the healing, though he knows it's only a temporary solution, it still feels really good.

"Huh. Do you have any students yet?" he asks, slowly tracing along Song Lan's chest with his right hand.

[zichen]

Temporary relief is better than nothing - and Zichen has ideas for new braces they can try. Braces that stabilize all of Xue Yang's fingers, though, in return, it will effect his grip. Less pain might make it worthwhile, however.

"A few." he smiles at the sweet curiosity, "You would be my best."

[bringingdowndisaster]

"Who are they?" Xue Yang can't help but to be curious. He also wonders if he knows any of them... "Would I? It's been a while since I properly used Jiangzai... I'd have to ask Zack too, because I can only use it for self-defense right now." He rolls his eyes a little as he lets a finger trail down between Song Lan's pecs.

[zichen]

"You'll have to come and meet them." Zichen is only partially teasing. It would be good for Xue Yang to make friends.

...and maybe...one day...teach too?

"Everything would come back to you." he tilts his head, "Isn't that what I'm teaching? Self-defense?"

But, yes, he agrees, Zack should know. His gaze follows that finger and then he brushes their noses together.

[bringingdowndisaster]

"I guess," Xue Yang concedes, a little reluctantly.

"Yeah, but I can't attack unless someone attacks me first, so I'd be at a disadvantage. I could ask to modify the restrictions to allow for sparring too?"

The finger continues its journey until it reaches Song Lan's stomach. He stops when their noses touch and leans up to kiss him.

[zichen]

"Ask for sparring under warden supervision." Zichen shivers and sucks in a soft breath. He doesn't mind that finger exploring further. But their kisses are too decadent to miss!

He meets Xue Yang halfway and strokes his fingertips up his lover's back.