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[bringingdowndisaster]

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[zichen]

Zichen wraps his legs around Xue Yang's waist, shivering under that hot tongue. Then he buries a hand into his lover's hair, meeting his gaze stubbornly.

"I can handle you." he purposefully tightens around Xue Yang, smirking.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang chuckles softly. "If you're sure..." He slides his hands down Song Lan's sides to his hips, grabbing onto them. He gives him another kiss before he starts to pull back until he's almost all the way out. He stays there for a moment and then he thrusts back inside, going deeper and harder than before.

[zichen]

"I know you." Zichen purrs, arching into those hands. He meets the kiss with a groan, nibbling on his lover's lips. While he isn't entirely sure what to expect, Xue Yang doesn't disappoint him.

Far, far from it. Moaning helplessly at the impact of their bodies, he gives himself over to the new pace, making quite a mess on Xue Yang's hand and his stomach.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang groans at the feeling of Song Lan's hot body around him, how it rubs and squeezes his cock in the best of ways. He fights to keep his eyes open so that he can watch his lover under him, hungrily drinking in his reactions.

"You look really good getting fucked," he breathes as he gives another hard thrust, accompanied by a light squeeze around that leaking cock.

[zichen]

"I thought...the same...about you." Zichen has no ability to last; the new pace is driving him to his peak rapidly. He grabs onto Xue Yang's hair, tugging the soft strands, his body tensing bit by bit...

Until he comes. He coats Xue Yang's hand and cries out hoarsely, all of his muscles clenching around his lover.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang lets out a little laugh and kisses him again. "Mmm... you look good fucking me too."

He moans when Song Lan clenches up around him, causing him to reach his own climax only moments after his lover. "A-Ah, fuck," he gasps and collapses onto his lover's strong body. He shudders and nuzzles into his neck.

[zichen]

Zichen laughs as he comes down from the incredible high, turning his head to kiss Xue Yang's temple. Being filled adds another level to the pleasure and he smiles, content.

"Usually...you are full of it. Now I am." he teases.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang giggles into his neck and slowly pulls out so he can snuggle up into Song Lan's arms. "You are. How does it feel? If you want to clean up, we should do it now before I get too comfortable."

[zichen]

Zichen blinks and thinks about it, tilting his head a little to the right. Then, shockingly, he pulls Xue Yang into a soft, lingering kiss.

"I like it." he admits quietly, "I want it to stay...for now."

[bringingdowndisaster]

"Mmm..." Xue Yang slips his arms around his lover and melts into the kiss. He grins a little against his lips. "It might feel weird when it starts to dry," he warns, but he definitely likes the fact that Song Lan wants to keep that part of him inside...

[zichen]

He wraps the younger man in his arms and gently sucks on his lips. The grin is felt more than seen, but he likes the expression no less.

"I don't mind." Zichen rubs over Xue Yang's back and nuzzles his face against his neck, breathing in his warm scent, "It is my first time."

[bringingdowndisaster]

"Mm... so you liked it, huh? I'm glad." He nuzzles against Song Lan's hair, giving him a light squeeze with his arms.

[zichen]

"I knew I would...with you." Zichen kisses Xue Yang's shoulder, hugging him tighter too, "You're very cute when you want to be."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang laughs a little. "Don't tell anyone. I have a reputation to uphold." He nuzzles their noses together and kisses him. He's almost forgotten why he'd been upset before, though not completely. It's still there in the back of his head, like a budding headache, but right now he can mostly ignore it.

[zichen]

"Your secret is safe with me." Zichen murmurs and deepens the kiss, brushing their tongues together with a quiet hum, "This Xue Yang belongs to me. I don't want to share him."

Or embarrass him. Zichen doesn't mind everyone on the Barge thinking he is crazy. If it keeps Xue Yang feeling secure and confident, it's not a big price to pay.

He has seen the other man broken. He won't be the cause of that.

[bringingdowndisaster]

A pleasant little shiver rushes down Xue Yang's spine. Oh, he likes that... "I don't want to be shared either," he murmurs. He nestles himself closer, really wanting to feel his lover against himself.

[zichen]

Zichen grins and tangles their legs together, unlikely to let Xue Yang go anytime soon.

"I don't either. You haven't treated me poorly or used me. You could have." he rubs their cheeks together, "Think better of yourself. You're more capable than you realize."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang blushes a little and strokes their feet together. "I've never... been with anyone like this before." Before Xiao Xingchen, he'd never wanted anything like this with anyone, but he couldn't have it with him. He never would've expected he could have it with Song Lan.

[zichen]

The motion is cute and Zichen's grin grows. He nods gently, not wanting to dislodge his lover an inch. Or even half an inch.

"Is it terrible?" he kisses along Xue Yang's jawline, "You have a heart. It's frightening giving it to another, but, in a way, that protects it more."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang ducks his head down a little. "I just don't... understand why you want this with me. I did worse to you than I did to Xiao Xingchen, and he... he hates me." That's where a lot of his insecurities come from.

[zichen]

"I watched you for years. I saw your pain and anguish. I saw how much you love him." Zichen smiles sadly, "I suppose I saw a little of myself in you. It hurt me to be confined, to be unable to express myself or do as I wished. I admit I hated you, but that became...something else over the years."

Something murky and frustrating.

"Killing you hurt too." his voice quiets, "I saw the candy in your hand and how you tried to cling onto Xingchen's soul. You were...are...in love. Genuinely. It changed you." he strokes Xue Yang's cheek, "When you mourned with me and began to seek me out on the Barge, I... I couldn't hate you. And then we...slept together..." he chuckles shyly, "I realized all of my anger and frustration was just...passion. Some part in me needs you."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang is quiet as Song Lan speaks. Being reminded of Yi City brings him back there, makes his eyes water. Eight hopeless years of trying to bring back someone who didn't want to live, who would've hated him even more if he'd succeeded. And Song Lan... the constant shadow at his back, forced to obey his commands, but still capable of independent thought.

"I... I forgot to hate you a lot back home," he murmurs into Song Lan's chest where he buries his face, "I even wished sometimes that I hadn't cut your tongue out so you could talk to me." He'd been so desperately alone. "

A small sob escapes him. "I don't know... my head's all fucked up. I don't... I don't want to ruin things again." But he fears that he will, because he doesn't know how to hold onto good things.

[zichen]

"Hate is a good thing to forget. It's poison and it will tear you down eventually." Zichen had learned that the hard way. After killing Xue Yang and taking hold of Xingchen's sword and spirit, he had never been more alone.

He couldn't even ask for help.

"I would have called you every name I know." he smiles grimly, "But it would have been better than the silence."

Zichen rolls them and holds Xue Yang underneath him, raising himself to kiss his cheeks and over his eyelids.

"You know what hurts you. I'm no different. We might fight; we might be very angry at one another. But those emotions pass." he then asks, softly, "What brings you back here? With me? It's not hate."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang smiles a little through the tears. "Yeah. You and your toothless insults." It definitely would've been preferable to the silence. He'd talked to himself and to Xiao Xingchen's body to try and fill it, but it hadn't been enough. Had just reinforced how alone he was.

He shudders when Song Lan holds him under his body instead, immediately feeling a little grounded by it.

"It's not hate," he agrees in a low voice. "I guess I just... feel better being here, with you." He looks away, a little embarrassed. Feelings are hard and stupid!

[zichen]

"They would've been terribly effective." Zichen remarks sardonically before focusing on Xue Yang's reactions. It's rare to see the other man so...out of his comfort zone. Yet it feels like he is partially trying for Zichen's sake.

And that is all Zichen will ever ask of him.

"That's good." he smiles, the expression softening, "I feel better too."

Being with Xue Yang.

"You understand...what we endured. You know the pain of loving and losing. I don't have to explain myself to you."