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[bringingdowndisaster]

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[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang chuckles a little and shrugs. "I don't mind you giving me bruises." Not during sex. He enjoys the marks very much, in fact.

[zichen]

"I have." Zichen nuzzles the bruises on Xue Yang's neck and chest. He won't apologize for those.

"Since you don't take care of yourself, someone should look after you occasionally."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang lets out a pleased little noise and wraps his arms around Song Lan's neck to start playing with his hair, a little absentmindedly.

"And that's gonna be you, huh?"

[zichen]

"No one else is volunteering." Zichen types and then nudges their lips together, kissing Xue Yang slowly, softly. His scalp tingles and he stretches out over his lover, resting their foreheads together.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang snorts softly. "You're right about that." Who'd want to take care of this mess? He kisses him back, just as soft and slow. It just feels natural to give back what he's given.

[zichen]

Smirking, Zichen nuzzles their lips together and then embraces his demonic lover. He doesn't mind looking after him or just simply being with him. It feels really good and somehow...right?

"I like being here."

[bringingdowndisaster]

"Where? Inside me?" Xue Yang teases, though his cheeks flush just a little. He may never get used to the feeling of being wanted (and he probably shouldn't either since he doesn't believe that this - whatever it is - will last).

[zichen]

"Stop it." Zichen huffs and lifts himself on his forearms, peering into Xue Yang's eyes stubbornly, "I like being with you."

In this room. In this bed. In Xue Yang's arms.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang averts his eyes as he speaks. "Yeah, I'm a pretty good lay."

He tries to sound light-hearted, but that's not how it comes out at all. He mostly sounds bitter and a little awkward. Feelings are hard, okay! It's easier to just dismiss them outright.

[zichen]

Is that really the impression he has given? That he only wants Xue Yang for sex? Zichen winces and shakes his head immediately.

"I like you." he flusters, "I like when we talk. Unless you are being evasive."

Like, well, now.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang doesn't really think that's what Song Lan is doing, but he tells himself that's his own reasoning behind this. Obviously he's using Song Lan. What else would he be doin

He scoffs. "You like me? You're so fucking stupid. You think this means anything to me?" The venom he tries to put into his voice is rather lacking though. He sounds more like he's trying very hard to convince himself that what he's saying is true.

It suddenly feels like something is clawing at his skull from within. Xue Yang doesn't quite realize it himself, but he's started to tremble and dig his nails into his own palms.

[zichen]

The words would hurt if Zichen hadn't noticed how strangely Xue Yang is acting. Well, maybe it isn't so strange. Could the other man be frightened of this? Of them? Zichen can actually understand that; taking any risk after their hearts have been broken feels reckless.

"Don't lie." he types and then strokes over Xue Yang's fingers, trying to get them to relax. Nails can do a lot of damage and they have already lost enough blood for a lifetime.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang feels overwhelmed. By grief over Xiao Xingchen and these new, confusing feelings about Song Lan. And now, the fear that he's going to lose everything again. Because he why wouldn't he? He can never hold onto good things. He always fucks it up sooner or later. That's just what he does.

Much to his humiliation, tears spring to his eyes and he shoves at Song Lan's chest. "I'm not lying! Have you forgotten who I am?! I'm a killer, a monster... a, what was it you called me? A "bastard beneath beasts"? Yeah, that's me!" A hysterical little laugh escapes him as tears run down his cheeks.

[zichen]

The fear is impossible to miss and Xue Yang's tears catch him by surprise. But Zichen doesn't fear touching the younger man. Far from it! So even though he is shoved, he holds his ground and wipes at the other man's tears with his thumb.

"No, that isn't you. I was blinded by my own rage and pain. I wanted you to be evil. It was simpler that way. But you're not." he hesitates, frowning as he thinks over his words, "Your pain proves you care. You made horrible decisions, but you died. Justice was served. I don't want you to keep suffering now."

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang lets out a soft whimper as he trembles under him. He curls up, turning away and covering his ears. "S-Stop it," he sobs. He can't quite handle being told that he's not an irredeemable, evil monster - especially from someone who has every reason to think of him that way.

[zichen]

Zichen forgoes the communicator and curls himself around Xue Yang, hugging him from behind. He doesn't have the words to explain why he needs this - why he needs Xue Yang. After all that has happened between them, maybe he is broken too.

But this... To him... Is undeniable.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang just sobs harder when Song Lan holds him. He doesn't understand any of this, how he could possibly be wanted by this man, but he's not been pushed away or rejected - even when he's tried to provoke Song Lan into doing that. It goes against what he's used to.

[zichen]

Zichen holds Xue Yang firmly, pressing his face against the fall of soft, dark hair. The sobs wrack both of their bodies and he doesn't know how to comfort...how to soothe. Xiao Xingchen is so much better at those things.

All he can do is hum and dab at Xue Yang's cheeks with the blanket.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Just being held is actually exactly what Xue Yang needs right now to start to calm down. The firm hold grounds him and calms his breathing a little. After a moment, he rolls over to face Song Lan again, though he doesn't look at him. He just buries his face against the other man's chest and pulls the blanket over the both of them.

[zichen]

The shift in positions makes his breath catch. He isn't sure what to expect, but then Xue Yang settles against him as if he is...going to sleep? Zichen is mildly amused, carefully petting over the younger man's hair.

This is just one step in a long journey. He settles down, calming himself. Now if only his thoughts would stop racing.

[bringingdowndisaster]

It's become comfortable to curl up like this. Song Lan's body is so solid and strong, and he's still warm from their activities. He slides an arm around Song Lan's waist and presses himself closer, as close as he can get. He doesn't understand any of this, but he knows that he doesn't want to be alone. He wants to be held, to be safe and protected. Like he never had been as a kid.

[zichen]

Zichen can protect him. And he will. Now that Xue Yang has shown his vulnerabilities, those secrets are safe with him. Daily, he will prove he isn't going to disappear or abandon Xue Yang. Curses might interfere with this, but it won't ruin it. Zichen is stubbornly certain of that.

Kissing the top of Xue Yang's head, he rests his cheek on his hair.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Exhausted from the crying (and the sex), Xue Yang quickly nods off. He clings to Song Lan in his sleep, making a nice, warm little burrow against his body.

[zichen]

Zichen drifts off too, lulled into dreams by Xue Yang's warmth. His hold relaxes, but he doesn't let go. At some point, his dreams turn violent and he yelps in his sleep.

[bringingdowndisaster]

Xue Yang startles awake by that sound. He's not sure where it's coming from until he notices that Song Lan's sleep seems troubled. Nightmares? Frowning a bit, he gives him a gentle squeeze. "Hey, you're just dreaming," he murmurs.