No, Zichen won't either. Xiao Xingchen is...untouchable. Zichen had visited Xingchen's body whenever he had enough freedom to do so. Even in death the man had been stunning. And precious. They should have protected him and that failure will likely stay with them for the rest of time.
But they can also find comfort in this; in understanding that both of them love the same man. The glimpses he sees of Xue Yang being sweet make him hungry and hopeful for more. If Xue Yang is protected, can't he be sweet and funny and, yes, mischievous from here on? Can't he find...peace?
He wants to try. If Xue Yang can find peace, maybe he can too.
Rocking desperately, Zichen whimpers at the encouragement, driving himself deep into his lover. Then he explodes with a sharp cry, filling Xue Yang, connecting them.
Xue Yang had felt peace in Yi City once he had started to let his guard down, but it obviously hadn't lasted. He wants something that lasts. He doesn't know if he can have that with Song Lan, or if he's just too fucked-up to make something like this work.
He prefers not to think about that though now that he's feeling good for once. Now that he has Song Lan inside of him, hungry and desperate for him. He moans when Song Lan comes, filling him up nice and deep. "Mmn... stay inside," he breathes, tightening his arms and legs around his lover. He's still hard between their bodies, enjoying the feeling of being so full.
Zichen had felt peace when he traveled at Xingchen's side. Then Xue Yang had broken his heart and his sanity had shattered. Taking it out on Xingchen had been the worst mistake of his life. Deep down, Zichen knows he is easy to rile, easy to anger and he has been working on that, forcing himself into Xue Yang's space because no one angers him more.
But that anger has become something else. Xue Yang's sobs, the way he clings to him and kisses him as if... As if Zichen isn't a monster. It's ironic that the one who turned him into this is the one who is helping him heal. But it feels fragile - like a rope pulled too tight, fraying.
So he has to hold on. He has to mark the other man and kiss him until their lungs ache for air. Zichen gasps and brings their foreheads together, keeping himself buried in his lover.
"Xue Yang..." he murmurs hoarsely, slipping a hand between them to stroke the hard cock.
It's hard to believe that he can have something like this, something good. He worries about fucking it all up, but at least... at least Song Lan knows everything that he's done. Knows who he is. He's not blindly walking into this, he's not being controlled. He knows what he's doing.
He knows. Xue Yang slips his fingers deeper into Song Lan's hair. It feels so good to be seen. To be held. To hear his name said like that. Tears well up in his eyes as he rocks into Song Lan's hand, gasping softly as he's stroked. "S-Song Lan..." he whispers, voice trembling.
They know each other. They have been connected on a level few others can boast for years. Nothing Xue Yang says or does will shock him, but therein lies the danger. Zichen expects better of the other man now and he will hold Xue Yang to that expectation. And not just because he wants to be a stubborn ass, either. They both know that change is necessary; they can't keep walking the same roads and expect to feel better.
Zichen kisses Xue Yang tenderly upon seeing those tears, stroking him at the same pace he had been thrusting into him.
"I'm here." and that is a promise as well as a fact.
It feels more possible to at least try, but he has a lot of work to do if he wants to get anywhere near graduation. And maybe he's finally starting to feel like he wants that.
That makes the tears spill over. It's embarrassing how much something so simple can affect him, but he's not had much control over his emotions since coming here. Maybe since before that. He sobs as he holds onto Song Lan and comes into his hand, a raspy gasp following.
Work is doable and they can divide it into stages. Zichen knows he has a long journey ahead of him too. Besides, he wants to help others and fulfill the promise he once made to his Master and Xiao Xingchen.
Why not start with Xue Yang and his broken heart? Though, of course, his reason for being here is a lot more complicated than that.
His lips brush away the tears and he smiles against Xue Yang's skin when he comes. Then he gathers the other man into his arms and lays over him.
Xue Yang snuggles in close and presses his face into Song Lan's neck. A shaky, tearful laugh leaves him and he nods. "Y-Yeah." He runs his hands down Song Lan's back, tracing fingers along the warm skin. He likes being here, feels safe even...
Zichen grabs a wet cloth from the bowl on the bedside table and gently goes about cleaning them. He even sees to Xue Yang's cock and entrance before laying, half sprawled over the other man.
"Live with me. Talk to me. If there is a problem, I will help you."
"I still don't get you," Xue Yang murmurs as he lifts a hand to stroke Song Lan's cheek. "Why you want... any of this with me." After everything he's done... "I'll probably fuck up again. Disappoint you." He bites his lip and glances away. "It's what I do."
"Likewise." Zichen smiles a little, kissing Xue Yang's palm, "Because there is more to you; because you've hidden yourself from the world. I've seen glimpses of him and..." his smile grows, "I want to protect him."
The uncertainty tugs at his heart and he kisses the bridge of Xue Yang's nose.
"Everyone makes mistakes when they have never done something before. We've made our mistakes. We've learned."
Xue Yang ducks his head down in embarrassment. He's really not used to being told things like that. All the painful rejections he's gotten from Xiao Xingchen have really done a number to his self-esteem, which wasn't great to begin with. No matter how cocky he's acted, deep down, he's convinced that no one could ever want him. Not as himself. But here's Song Lan, basically saying the opposite. He has no idea how to respond to that so he just hides his face against his lover's shoulder.
When Song Lan continues, Xue Yang does have a response. "Yeah, but when I fuck up, people die."
"Only because you take it too far." Zichen makes sure he is speaking directly into Xue Yang's ear, his voice soft and low, "I will stop you before you reach that point. We will talk - even if our talking is yelling and fighting. I want to know what you're thinking and what upsets you. That's how we avoid anything worse from happening."
It all sounds so... sensible. Xue Yang isn't a sensible person though, never has been. "I can't... promise that I'll always come to you," he murmurs, "Especially if I'm pissed." That's when he's usually at his least sensible.
"Try." Zichen kisses Xue Yang's cheek, softly, "It takes time to acquire new habits. If it helps, think about finding me to yell or fight. That reasoning suits me too."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2023-11-05 03:02 pm (UTC)But they can also find comfort in this; in understanding that both of them love the same man. The glimpses he sees of Xue Yang being sweet make him hungry and hopeful for more. If Xue Yang is protected, can't he be sweet and funny and, yes, mischievous from here on? Can't he find...peace?
He wants to try. If Xue Yang can find peace, maybe he can too.
Rocking desperately, Zichen whimpers at the encouragement, driving himself deep into his lover. Then he explodes with a sharp cry, filling Xue Yang, connecting them.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 03:11 pm (UTC)He prefers not to think about that though now that he's feeling good for once. Now that he has Song Lan inside of him, hungry and desperate for him. He moans when Song Lan comes, filling him up nice and deep. "Mmn... stay inside," he breathes, tightening his arms and legs around his lover. He's still hard between their bodies, enjoying the feeling of being so full.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 03:18 pm (UTC)But that anger has become something else. Xue Yang's sobs, the way he clings to him and kisses him as if... As if Zichen isn't a monster. It's ironic that the one who turned him into this is the one who is helping him heal. But it feels fragile - like a rope pulled too tight, fraying.
So he has to hold on. He has to mark the other man and kiss him until their lungs ache for air. Zichen gasps and brings their foreheads together, keeping himself buried in his lover.
"Xue Yang..." he murmurs hoarsely, slipping a hand between them to stroke the hard cock.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 03:26 pm (UTC)He knows. Xue Yang slips his fingers deeper into Song Lan's hair. It feels so good to be seen. To be held. To hear his name said like that. Tears well up in his eyes as he rocks into Song Lan's hand, gasping softly as he's stroked. "S-Song Lan..." he whispers, voice trembling.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 03:32 pm (UTC)Zichen kisses Xue Yang tenderly upon seeing those tears, stroking him at the same pace he had been thrusting into him.
"I'm here." and that is a promise as well as a fact.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 03:37 pm (UTC)That makes the tears spill over. It's embarrassing how much something so simple can affect him, but he's not had much control over his emotions since coming here. Maybe since before that. He sobs as he holds onto Song Lan and comes into his hand, a raspy gasp following.
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 03:45 pm (UTC)Why not start with Xue Yang and his broken heart? Though, of course, his reason for being here is a lot more complicated than that.
His lips brush away the tears and he smiles against Xue Yang's skin when he comes. Then he gathers the other man into his arms and lays over him.
"Together."
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Date: 2023-11-05 03:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 03:54 pm (UTC)"Live with me. Talk to me. If there is a problem, I will help you."
no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 03:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-11-05 10:01 pm (UTC)The uncertainty tugs at his heart and he kisses the bridge of Xue Yang's nose.
"Everyone makes mistakes when they have never done something before. We've made our mistakes. We've learned."
no subject
Date: 2023-11-08 06:23 pm (UTC)When Song Lan continues, Xue Yang does have a response. "Yeah, but when I fuck up, people die."
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Date: 2023-11-09 02:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-11-10 07:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-11-10 11:44 am (UTC)